wonderland~

I have to change!

Sunday, February 3, 2013 • 5:09 AM • 0 comments

Assalamualaikum :)

I was looking at two tumblrs just now

http://durratulhikmah.tumblr.com

http://qadreatahery.tumblr.com/

The first one is the one I've been following for quite awhile

whereas the second one, I just found out about today..

So, as I was browsing the tumblrs,

I saw many inspirational photos and quotes

some are verses from the Al-Quran..

It was very touching and made me think

about my current state..

About how I haven't really been a good Muslim

and that I still have a lot of things I have to improve..

Base on this picture, I'm at stage 5 and 6

Currently, working my way up to stage 7

and, Insyaallah, Ill be at stage 8 one day ;)

I realised (lama dah la sedar ni)

I've been too caught up in wanting to look good

that I forgot how to dress right.

I've been fussing about wanting to look pretty

that I forgot to look modest...

Sentap sangat baca statement ni...haha

Okay, so I don't wear L'oreal,

I wear Estee Lauder and Etude House :P

Cehhh, menunjuk la pulak...

Okay, back to the topic..

Terasa

because, I would often put layers of foundation

and powder, and lipstick

just so I could look beautiful

(tak pakai pown tetap comey, ok..hehe)

I would search for the perfect cleanser

to make sure my skin would be acne-free

and fair..

I heard from a tazkirah held at my previous school

that if you want a flawless face,

perform Wudhu'

as it acts as a cleanser for our sins,

It also cleanse our skin >.<

Tapi, nak pegi ambik Wuduk pun malas sangat...

huhu

So I have to change!..

Be more aware of what Allah wants me to wear..

Susah la sikit kan sebab baju dalam almari

semua yang tak senonoh je

But it's okay

I'll take one step at a time~

The above statement also gave me the blow..

Even at seventeen years of age

I still misses prayers >.<

Normally, Subuh and sometimes Asar

Because I usually sleep in the evening

and wake up for Maghrib

Teruk kan...huhu

I'm still too lazy to perform my prayers..

and often would just let it be

thinking it would be okay to miss just one or two prayers

when I could just Qada it later..

But I was wrong..

There are people who died

before they could Qada their prayers

Allah can take your life away at any point of your life..

So you have to always be prepare for death..

I have to change

My target is to not miss a prayer any more..

Again, susah because I usually wake up late

But I can change..

I'll have my parents wake me up in the morning

before they go to work

Or I could set on my alarm..

There are plenty of other things that I have to change

But I can't change drastically..

I've done that before

Tiba2 change from not praying at all

to praying completely with a few other Solat Sunat

and reciting the Quran all day long

and reading the Mathurat

kononnye nak jadi Muslimah sangat2

but the drastic change tires me

and I became lazy again

and returned back to the old me...

The lazy, not-praying, old me

but slightly better

because now even though I miss a few prayers,

I still pray, unlike the old me who never prays.. :P

I need to change slowly

get my stamina at a constant rate,

start from below

and work my way up..

So that I don't get tired easily..

Friends, please pray for me

Please ask Allah

to guide me

To give me His Taufiq and Hidayah

To lead me back to His path

so that I could go to His side..

I will pray for this myself

But I still need help..

Somehow, I feel as if my own prayers

aren't enough..

Ya Allah,

I have so many sins

that I feel as if

I don't deserve Your forgiveness

but Ya Allah

here I am again

shamelessly begging for You

to forgive my sins

and Ya Allah

I beg for You

to lead me back to Your path

as I've strayed away to far

to even see its' lights :(

and Ya Allah

I beg for You

to give me strength

so that I don't give in to my nafs...

Stop procrastinating and start praying!

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